It's wiser than I thought
Day 17 - July 25, 2021 – There is no "normal"
I had a hangover and it was hot so I walked to the beach at 6 pm. It was fabulous.
Earlier I had an epiphany that started with a question:
“Left to my own devices, would I have chosen to go out on a second date with the guy I met last weekend?”
Answer: “NO.”
So I shouldn’t have been willing to say “YES,” if he asked me, but I was.
Epiphany: I need to go with my gut instinct when it comes to guys, instead of either going along with what they want or intellectualizing the whole thing.
These are my go-tos – letting them decide, or going up in my head and debating the wisdom of each alternative - sad. My gut is wiser than them or my head.
Is it normal to be 58 years old and still not know how to date? Then again, what is “normal” anyway?
I own that I have some self-defeating behavior patterns surrounding romantic relationships. I also know that these patterns developed as a direct result of childhood trauma. As a young girl, these patterns protected me, made me feel safe. But they no longer serve me.
It’s only in the last couple of years, I’ve finally been able to process what happened all those years ago. I’ve begun to see the connections between what happened, how I interact with men, how I perceive relationships, and what I believe about love, romance, and marriage.
I will continue to work, process, change, learn and grow. There is nothing wrong with me. I am not stupid or lazy or timid or gullible. I am a woman who will not give up on herself or the universe. I will keep my faith and I will move forward, one step at a time.
Today’s art theme was gut also – blue alcohol ink and sand design with clear beach glass. It just happened... no planning, no thinking, It felt great and it’s gorgeous; I love it!
I want to do more of these. I’ve felt that about several different types of pieces I’ve done during this project. It’s exciting to know that when these 30 days are up, I will have explored so many different techniques and styles. Better yet, I can’t wait to set aside time to do a series of pieces in each of the styles I love.
Sand is the most surprising part of it all. Before this LEAP, sand was not on my radar as an art modality. Now I have so many ideas about using it in different ways, with inks, paints, and glitter. My creativity is soaring, I feel light, and I want to keep going!
I’m at the studio, it’s getting late, gotta head home to the pup!
Until tomorrow... For Your Consideration...
In what part of your life do you want to trust your gut more?
Do you want to create your own 30-Day Project? Is it time to LEAP?
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